Do you think I can still be president?

I went online recently looking for the date of a party I went to last winter. The theme was Pink vs. Orange, and I made a fabulous orange strappy thing out of velcro and ratcheting straps from Home Depot. I googled "Bass Nympho's Ball" + "2006," clicked on the second link that came up and discovered this at the bottom of the page:



There I am, in all my orange glory, faux-ging for a friend's camera (I will have to discuss his picture-posting habits before I find myself featured on www.xxxgirlznextdoor.com). The party wasn't great, but I am very proud of the outfit, even if I do have a second-tier-Russian-model-cum-sci-fi-dominatrix look about me in this picture. Ever single piece is individually attached with velcro, so the whole thing can be refashioned in any number of ways. I think I inherited a mangled version of my mother's craft gene after all.

I Just Ate A Salad. This Is A Very Big Deal.

I just ate a salad for lunch. This may not seem like a Very Big Deal. People eat salads every day, in many many parts of the world. News segments do not begin, "Man ate salad. Film at 11." You never see "Brittany Spears Eats a Salad!!" splashed across the cover of The National Enquirer.

I, however, have never eaten a salad as a meal, and seldom consume lettuce at all. I spent 26 years of my life avoiding all vegetables, save for corn, raw carrots, and potatoes--hearty, starchy Midwestern fare. One time when we were at my Aunt Helen's for dinner, I was forced to eat three bites of green beans before I could have the Really Cool-Looking Bunny Cookie that my mom brought for dessert. I gagged on the second bite and almost threw up. She gave me the cookie anyway. My vegetable avoidance continued.

But one lunch hour in the winter of 2004, I walked to my favorite cafe deep in thought: I had moved across the country to be with my boyfriend and we were breaking up. My company was closing and I was losing my job. And I had just been robbed by my crack-dealing super who took everything I owned, down to my shower curtain rings. Distracted by inner tumult, I forgot to order my chicken sandwich sans veggies. The guy behind the counter handed me the sandwich. I saw leaves poking out from under the bun, and a trickle of red watery tomato innards oozing out the side, and I contemplated handing it right back. Then I looked at it again. "A tomato," I thought, "is not going to kill me." And I ate it.

And that was the beginning.

(Naughty) Poetry Thursdays

I first read e.e. cummings in high school English class. Though we nearly killed "anyone lived in a pretty how town" by discussing it ad nauseam, I still came away with a fondness for cummings' rhythm and his cheeky "no capitalization, no punctuation" thing. When I looked into him a little more, I discovered "may i feel," and his other, more sensual poetry, which our teacher neglected to clue us in on. I think English grades would have gone up if she had.

may i feel

may i feel said he may i feel said he
(i'll squeal said she
just once said he)
it's fun said she

(may i touch said he
how much said she
a lot said he)
why not said she

(let's go said he
not too far said she
what's too far said he
where you are said she)

may i stay said he
(which way said she
like this said he
if you kiss said she

may i move said he
is it love said she)
if you're willing said he
(but you're killing said she

but it's life said he
but your wife said she
now said he)
ow said she

(tiptop said he
don't stop said she
oh no said he)
go slow said she

(cccome?said he
ummm said she)
you're divine!said he
(you are Mine said she)

-e.e. cummings


Read more of his work here.

And a shout out: I first discovered Poetry Thursdays from The Voix, who I blog-stalked for months along with the rest of Cavu's blogging posse. Thanks for adding a little poetry to my week, blog queen!